Something on my mind



“ Go to sleep soon, otherwise the monsters under your bed will come and take you away.” This was the affectionate lie that was relied upon by many a parent to put their highly energetic children to bed. It was an effective one too, as the fear of some hideous , unknown creature attacking us was enough to drain away any enthusiasm for staying awake. As we grew up, we could only roll our eyes and laugh at our silliness, and at the same time, be thankful that they really did turn out to be just fictitious characters.

But, as I donned the hat of introspection and ventured into one of my deep thinking expeditions, I realised that the monsters still exist , in our heads!! They slowly poke their heads out and sniff for traces of nervousness and trepidation, as we slowly navigate our adolescent years. By that time, the carefree nature and infectious enthusiasm of  our childhood has already faded, making way for the mounting pressure to rise up the academic ladder. As we take our first steps into adulthood, the monsters are fully grown and ready to scare us silly , feasting on our fears and the many misgivings that we go through every single day.

The monster in my head plays disastrous scenarios of what may go wrong every time I try to take a step forward. It stops me from communicating outwards and encourages me to confess all my feelings to it instead. It makes me relive all the painful memories of the past, and creates massive fires of self-doubt. It goes against my better thoughts and locks me up in an endless cycle of anxiety. It makes me question myself, question my abilities and question my achievements. It makes me look back into my past and makes it impossible for me to turn back.

And so, I kept blaming the monster in my head, just like we as children, blamed the monster under our beds for forcing us to sleep. I had let the monster define who I am, instead of it being the other way around. The monster only echoed my own thoughts, my opinions and my perceptions and blew them out of proportion. In order to take on a challenging world filled with monsters of its own , it is up to us to decide whether the voices in our head are monsters or angels!!.
         
Girl in a daze

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