Something on my mind
“ Go to sleep soon, otherwise the monsters under your bed
will come and take you away.” This was the affectionate lie that was relied
upon by many a parent to put their highly energetic children to bed. It was an
effective one too, as the fear of some hideous , unknown creature attacking us was
enough to drain away any enthusiasm for staying awake. As we grew up, we could
only roll our eyes and laugh at our silliness, and at the same time, be thankful
that they really did turn out to be just fictitious characters.
But, as I donned the hat of introspection and ventured into
one of my deep thinking expeditions, I realised that the monsters still exist ,
in our heads!! They slowly poke their heads out and sniff for traces of nervousness
and trepidation, as we slowly navigate our adolescent years. By that time, the
carefree nature and infectious enthusiasm of our childhood has already faded, making way
for the mounting pressure to rise up the academic ladder. As we take our first
steps into adulthood, the monsters are fully grown and ready to scare us silly
, feasting on our fears and the many misgivings that we go through every single
day.
The monster in my head plays disastrous scenarios of what
may go wrong every time I try to take a step forward. It stops me from
communicating outwards and encourages me to confess all my feelings to it
instead. It makes me relive all the painful memories of the past, and creates
massive fires of self-doubt. It goes against my better thoughts and locks me up
in an endless cycle of anxiety. It makes me question myself, question my
abilities and question my achievements. It makes me look back into my past and
makes it impossible for me to turn back.
And so, I kept blaming the monster in my head, just like we
as children, blamed the monster under our beds for forcing us to sleep. I had
let the monster define who I am, instead of it being the other way around. The
monster only echoed my own thoughts, my opinions and my perceptions and blew
them out of proportion. In order to take on a challenging world filled with
monsters of its own , it is up to us to decide whether the voices in our head
are monsters or angels!!.
Girl in a daze
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