I Came Back

Utter shock!!! This is what it must feel like to have a million emotions racing through your mind at infinite miles per hour. If I thought my mind was overflowing before, I was in for a nasty surprise. I tried shaking my head, blinking my eyes, anything at all… to make even a little sense of what I had just seen! A note containing the name of every person that ever lived and their time of death written next to it!! My time… A few hours after my birth!!!

What must have happened? How is this even possible? Doesn't stuff like this only happen in movies? The questions were endless, each one weirder than the one before. I had led a reasonably normal life till now, boring even. The biggest accident I ever had was when I had fallen down from my cycle when I was twelve years old. It had seemed like the apocalypse then but who was I kidding?I was a budding teenager-so everything was catastrophic to me. But after reading the note, I was beginning to question everything. Suddenly, there was a loud banging on my bedroom door. "What are you doing in there? The food is not gonna get any hotter. Come downstairs now!" yelled my mom, snapping me out of my reverie. And then I realised that she was the one person who could put me out of my misery. The one person who could give me the answer to all my questions. But how was I gonna bring up the subject? I carefully folded the note and after storing it away, slowly made my way downstairs.

"Aren't you hungry? Don't you like it? Why aren't you having your dinner?" asked my mom. "One question at a time mom" I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. You have to ask her if you want peace of mind. She's your mom after all, what's the worst that's gonna happen. With these encouraging thoughts, I cleared my throat and began what was undoubtedly going to be a very important conversation.

"So, mom", I began, "We have been given an assignment by our English teacher.We have to write an essay about a life changing incident that's happened in our life." I desperately hoped that she wouldn't see through my obvious lie. God, what was I thinking? I should have planned better, rehearsing what I was about to say beforehand. My mom is very inquisitive and will probably ask tons of questions. However, she just nodded and asked me whether I had any ideas. "Well, I don't seem to remember anything worth writing about. Maybe you could tell me something interesting about my childhood. You know, was I really the well mannered angel that I am now?”I joked.

Suddenly, she stopped clearing the dishes and looked me in the eye. "What is this really about?” she asked. What do I say? I am a terrible liar. And then suddenly the doorbell rang and she got busy. That was it. I rushed to the safety of my room.

The next day, after we had finished our breakfast, I sauntered into the living room and made myself at home on the couch. My mom had seemed unnaturally tense since our conversation last night and I was determined to find out why. "I am gonna pick up a few things at the grocery store. I will be back in an hour or so." said my mom ,and she was out of the house before I could say a word. That's odd, I thought and decided that since I was alone in the house, I might as well do a little bit of snooping around. As I rummaged through the closet among the many books and other stuff lining the shelves, a sudden idea came to my mind.

My mom's journal! Of course, she's always been very secretive about it and once she went berserk when she saw it in my hands even though I hadn't even taken a peek into it. I had never seen her so mad before, or even so terrified. So, there must be something written there that she didn't want me to find. Now, I just had to look for it and after searching sincerely for half an hour I was almost ready to give up. As I absent-mindedly picked up a magazine and flipped through it, a piece of paper fell from it. It looked as though it had been torn out of a journal or something. My mom’s journal!! As I bent down to pick it up, the door opened and my mom walked in. God, I really had very poor timing. Instantly, her eyes went to the paper in my hand and she snatched it from me while looking extremely anxious. “Mom, why don’t you sit down?”, I asked trying to sound as gentle as possible. I brought her a glass of water and asked in what I thought was a calm tone. “Can you please tell me what the hell is this all about?”

She looked at me with unreadable eyes and said, “I think it’s better if I read it out to you. I don’t know why you felt the need to start asking questions after all these years but either way, its best that you know.” So saying, she began reading from the paper. “I still couldn’t believe that I was finally holding her in my arms. My beautiful, gorgeous baby who was looking up at me with that adorable smile. I had waited nine months for this moment and she was finally here. It was like I had got everything I had ever wanted and more. Suddenly, my baby was taken away from me and the next few hours were undeniably the most torturous hours of my existence. I kept hearing words like “heart is very weak” and “ she will not make it. ” which made my own heart stop still. But I was determined that I would see that unforgettable smile again. I struggled to my feet and tried to make my way to my baby. No doctor could stop me and they did try their hardest but no one can really stop a mother when she wants to get to her child. So, there she was with a mask and a needle on her palm and at that moment, I think I was more in pain from seeing her like this. I composed myself with difficulty and slowly touched her hand. “Hey sweetheart”, I said, even though her eyes were closed, I knew she was listening. “Do you know how many people are waiting for you out there? Your dad is literally running across cities to come see you. You complete our family and we need you in our lives. I have wanted to do a lot of things in my life but once I held you, I knew that right now, I just want to be your mother. You would do that for your mommy, won’t you sweetheart? You’ll come back right?”

As she paused, she looked at me with tear filled eyes, and I said , amidst my own tears “ I came back mom.” That night, as I held the note that I had found I realised that even though facts tell the truth most of the time, a mother’s love triumphs above all.  

Nivedita Dwarak